hearty says: My self-reflection

I have a list of reasons
to put blogging as a must
for myself
But
I always like this
even though I really want to
however
without the push of others
I just can't push myself

I can stand for whole day
sacrifice my lunch and rest time
to complete a very tough assignment
even though my brain was seemed to burst
and my body was shouting for a break
cause I know
the lecturer was going to fail me
if I didn't put enough effort on it

Also
I can give myself an applause
for whole morning doing housekeeping
even though it was really tiring
that I felt like sleeping for the whole day
cause I know
later when people see
my hard work
they will give me a big smile

But this is not the case
for things that I couldn't see directly
the appreciation of others
or the bad ending of my doings
therefore
this might be the reason
why I always put an excuse
to keep delaying a new post to my blog

Those excuses like
"I'm so buzy"
"I'm tired"
"I have no idea"
"I'm not in the mood"
I already used them all
until at the end
there's no more excuse left
except the truth
"I'm lazy!"

Now that I'm looking back
when I can't see people's appreciation to my good doings
I will be disappointed and miserable
and may be this is the answer
for why building up a better relationship with people
is easier to me
compared to the relationship with Allah
cause I concern more about what people think
rather than Allah's

*******
This self-reflection
make me realize
I have a serious problem with my sincerity to Allah
and if I continue like this
I have nothing to save me from the hell fire

Now
I shouldn't waste my time regretting the past
because the time keeps moving and never once stop
I should make my first step to be a better servant of Allah
Hoping that I still have enough time for it
Hoping that my life will has a happy ending
Hoping that I won't regret with what I have done
I should be more strict to myself
and work extremely harder!

AL-KAHF, 18: 103-104